1. When your life is in darkness, pray to God and ask Him to free you from darkness, and if you are still in darkness, 
          please pay your electrical bill.
        當你覺得前途一片黑暗時， 祈禱上帝，求牠助你走向光明大道。如果仍然黯然無光時，趕緊繳交電費。

     2. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
    當一個大男人替他的妻子開車門時，你可確定他的車或妻子是新的。

    3. What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress壓力、tension緊張與 panic恐慌 的區別
Stress is when wife is pregnant. Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant. Panic is when both are pregnant.

壓力：妻子懷孕時，

緊張：女友懷孕時；

恐慌：妻子與女友同時懷孕時。 

4. Grammar Teacher : Do you know the importance of a period ?
Kid : Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack and our driver ran away.
老師問學生：你們知道月經的重要嗎

小學生說：我知道，前幾天，我姐姐說她的月經沒來，我媽媽昏倒，爸爸心臟病發作，司機落跑了。

5. A young boy asks his Dad : "What is the difference between confident and confidential ?

小孩問他的爸爸：confident與 confidential 有何不同﹖
Dad says : "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential.

爸爸說：我確信（confident 有信心的、自信的）你是我的兒子，但是你的朋友是我的兒子卻是機密的（confidential）。

     6. e失足成千古恨....
    一教授出國開會，開完會準備回國前感慨于國外的美麗夜景。登機前，給老婆發條短信： 「I've had a really wonderful night, and I wish so much you were here.」 結果，最後的一個「e」給漏掉了...... 到家後，至今失聯中。